


60/40

by FailureArtist



Series: Friendship & Stuff Cinematic Universe [16]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Anal Sex, Brainweird, Consensual Sex Turned Non-Consensual, Cults, Disabled Characters, Hook Up, Humanstuck, Jealousy, Large Cock, M/M, NaNoWriMo 2019, Open Relationships, Oral Sex, Reunion, YouTubers - Freeform, alcohol use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-30
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2021-02-24 23:06:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22025950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FailureArtist/pseuds/FailureArtist
Summary: February 2018: Kurloz meets with Mituna before the Men Behind The Sun shit goes down.
Relationships: Mituna Captor/Kurloz Makara, background makaracest and kurlin and latuna
Series: Friendship & Stuff Cinematic Universe [16]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1532495
Comments: 1
Kudos: 19





	60/40

**Author's Note:**

> Non-con as in a sexual encounter where consent is withdrawn but ignored, plus gangrape is mentioned at the end. Mentions of an incestous relationship. Homophobic slur used in reference to self. Anti-Semitic thoughts. Mentions of 2018 politics. Brief description of Mituna's bad end.

Kurloz Makara waited in the bar for his high school best friend Mituna Captor. There had been fears from Kurloz that this trendy establishment would be crowded but on this Thursday night in February with temperatures at twenty-eight degrees Fahrenheit it was not. This worked for Kurloz. He did not need any witnesses that would recognize GameBro. Still, he felt a little peeved at the location. He hated this fake-ass classy dive bar bullshit. This was obviously a hipster joint with hipster prices and the unfinished wood could not mask that. It was a good thing Detroit was being revived but by these yuppie assholes? Well, the Church would take these refurbished buildings and make them their own. 

A young Asian man, about five foot eleven, walked in wearing a big heavy yellow and black striped coat like a fat bee. The lighting in the bar was subdued and his hood was up but Kurloz recognized him as his high school best friend. Mituna would wear a coat like that. He unzipped his coat and put it on the hook by door. Underneath he wore a hoodie saying “Sorry, I’m a Gemini” in flowery pink script. He kept the hood up as he waved at Kurloz. Kurloz waved back. Jackpot. 

Mituna sat down at the table across from Kurloz, still with the hood up. Kurloz had not seen Mituna in person for years but he had seen GameBro’s videos throughout that time. It was nothing compared to seeing him in person. 

“Sorry I’m fifteen minutes late,” Mituna said, the first thing Kurloz had heard him say to him in years. Mituna still had that lisp that nothing could cure. “Oh, and sorry I have my hoodie up. I don’t want to be recognized. Sorry, not trying to sound like a big celebrity, but sometimes people ask me for autographs and it’s a trouble.”

Kurloz picked up his electrolarynx and talked.

**IT IS OKAY.**

Mituna winced. “That voice is going to take some time to get used to. Though your high-pitched voice was weird too. Sorry. Your voice is fucking metal.”

Kurloz could have winced himself. He did it internally. 

**IT IS MOTHERFUCKING METAL. THANK YOU.**

“It’s fucking rad to see you again, though. Sorry, I meant through the years to get in contact but there was always one thing or another. But now my plane to DC got delayed so I get to see my high school bro! Though yeah, you already knew that. Yeah, it means my reunion with ‘Tula is delayed too but I saw her last October. How long has it been since I saw you? Sorry, I should let you talk.”

**TEN YEARS AND NINE MONTHS.**

“Fffuck, when would that be?”

**MAY 2007.**

“Oh yeah, Starcraft II was announced in Seoul! Oh, and Barack Obama probably announced something too. Plus we graduated high school. Yeah, I think the last one is the important shit, sorry.”

**YES, WE MATRICULATED THEN.**

“But I think our Senior year, hell, half our Junior year, we rarely saw each other. Like we saw each other at those bullshit pep rallies and maybe at prom but mostly nope. Why was that?”

**I DO NOT KNOW.**

“Like I was taking those Advanced Placement Science and Math courses like a good Asian-American son and being President of the Computer Club and you were…I don’t know, smoking in the boy’s room?”

Kurloz clenched his hand under the table. 

**I WAS IN THE CHOIR.**

“Oh yeah, that!” He snorted. “Sorry, it’s funny to think of you singing ‘Edelweiss’ from _The Sound of Music_ with a bunch of nerds. But I guess you wanted practice for your planned career.”

**MY PLANNED CAREER?**

Mituna face-palmed. “Ah, shit, fuck fuck fuck. I said the wrong thing. You ditched that dumb career long ago.” He looked up again at Kurloz. “Owning your own tattoo parlor is pretty rad, though.”

**I THINK YOUR BUSINESS IS RAD TOO.**

“I’m just another fucking YouTuber. I was doing it for free, to pass the time after Cal Tech kicked me out, until I decided ‘fuck the Social Security Administration with its seven hundred seventy-one dollar bullshit, I can get more money this way’. Like, it’s harder than people think, I’m always hustling, but it’s better than the service sector. Like imagine me dealing with customers.”

**I CANNOT CONCEIVE OF IT.**

“Hey, speaking of, have you ordered yet?”

**I HAVE NOT ORDERED YET. I WAS WAITING FOR YOU.**

“Yeah, sorry I’m late.” Mituna raised his hand. “Bartender!”

Kurloz pushed down Mituna’s hand. 

**I WILL PAY FOR YOUR BEVERAGE AND VICTUALS.**

“Oh, you don’t have to do that, I will treat you.”

**NO, I WILL PAY.**

“Please, I can pay.”

**I WILL NOT GO BACK AND FORTH WITH THIS RITUAL. I WILL PAY AND THAT IS THE FINAL MOTHERFUCKING DECLARATION.**

“Jesus Christ, not even my grand-uncle in Seoul is as psycho as you about paying the bill. Sure, go ahead.”

**WHAT DO YOU DESIRE?**

“Wow, that’s a big question, I guess I would desire…oh, off the menu? Sorry. I would like the Southwest salmon nachos and the four ounces of mead.”

**THE MEAD?**

“Yeah, that’s why I picked this place. Mead is my favorite booze of choice. Baekseju is second but that’s harder to get than mead Stateside. Anyway, that’s what I am getting. Plus a glass of water.”

**I WILL GET THE SAME THING.**

Kurloz got up and went to the bar to order and set up a tab. It was a little tricky with his electrolarynx, but that was how it usually went. When he was done, he sat back down at the table. 

“Thanks, bro, honestly, thanks. Though I can’t have more than one drink. The epilepsy, you know. Plus all my other fucking brain disorders and meds I shouldn’t mix with alcohol but You Only Live Once.”

**WHEN DID YOU ACQUIRE EPILEPSY?**

“I got into this skating accident my freshman year at Cal Tech. Fucking shame since you know I loved to skate but my coordination sucks now. Wasn’t even that bad a crash, like I thought I went through worse scrapes in middle school, but I guess I was just unlucky that day. Even though it was my Womb-Escape Day.”

**WHAT DO YOU SEE DURING YOUR AURA?**

Mituna looked off to the side, shuddered, and then coughed. 

“Jesus, bro, that’s personal. I mean, it’s not a sex thing. It’s just…I don’t want to talk about it now. Sorry.”

Kurloz knew he would eventually find out.

**I UNDERSTAND FULLY.**

“Let’s just not talk about our various disabilities tonight, okay?”

 **I AGREE. WE SHOULD FORGET OUR BODILY WEAKNESSES.**

“Weird way to put it but yeah. Let’s just enjoy each other’s company. How come we drifted away?”

Kurloz thought he knew why.

**I DO NOT KNOW.**

“Me too, but it is lucky my flight got fucked up. Guess it’s the weather or something, but the weather doesn’t seem that bad. I mean, it’s fucking freezing compared to the Bay but it’s not a blizzard. Well, who knows how that shit works. It’s like motherfucking magnets, am I right?”

Kurloz did not know how magnets worked but he did know how the plane was delayed. The Church had pulled a lot of strings to gift Mituna this Valentine’s layover.

**IT IS INDEED A MOTHERFUCKING MIRACLE.**

Kurloz was going to enjoy this layover. Truth be told, it was not necessary for the plan that he go to a bar with Mituna before the action. Actually, it was risky to the mission. However, Kurloz could not resist enjoying ‘Tuna’s company one last time. Kurloz’s feelings for Mituna were not as strong as the feelings for his girlfriend Meulin, but he still was fond of him. Of course, Kurloz would not mind sacrificing both to the Church. He would sacrifice pretty much anyone for the Church. An uncle had already been sacrificed.

“I have SO much I’ve been wanting to talk to you about. Sorry, I’m just going to run my mouth like a moron.”

And Mituna ran his mouth like a moron while Kurloz gazed at him. Kurloz could tell now, even under that lighting, that Mituna wore makeup in his videos. Every so often, Mituna flicked some blond-dyed hair out of his face and revealed some scarring, likely from his accident. Still, Mituna had the best jawline. Kurloz could kiss Mituna. This certainly wasn’t the first time he thought that. 

The service at the bar was good so they quickly received their orders. Kurloz carefully drank his mead. 

“What do you think? Taste pretty wicked, right?” Mituna asked.

Kurloz held out his hand and tippled it. 

“But it’s better than Faygo. Shit, is that clown racist?”

Well, maybe in the future saying that would be illegal, but Kurloz decided to let it slide.

**I AM COOL.**

Kurloz ate some nachos. They might have been good nachos if they did not have salmon. He felt salmon was for ((those people)). Whatever race he had been in a past life, he was still White in this one. Yet he had ordered it so he was going to eat it.

Mituna on the other hand was devouring his nachos messily. He did not have much fine motor coordination for someone who played video games for a living. Though Kurloz supposed perhaps that required different skills and most of GameBro’s appeal was his charisma and looks. 

“These are fucking rad nachos, bro. Though I don’t know what I’m doing getting fish in the Midwest. Must suck not having decent sushi where you live.”

**I CAN SURVIVE WITHOUT IT.**

“Shit, judging by the way things are going, we might all have to live without it. Oceans are running on empty. Fuck, doom and gloom here.”

Mituna bowed his head.

**ARE YOU OKAY?**

Kurloz was genuinely worried, despite everything. 

“Nah, this isn’t depression, I take my Lithium. Just the headlines I read. You know how it is, bro.”

He lifted his head up and continued devouring nachos. Kurloz wished he could lick some cheese off of Mituna’s jawline.

“Yeah,” Mituna said with his mouth full, “There’s all these headlines about Drumpf and it drives me fucking crazy, well, crazier than normal. Like Drumpf wants a military parade. I know some snowflakes say fascism all the time but this feels like fascism, right?”

Kurloz kept his opinion on Donald Trump in his neck. Mituna would know soon enough Kurloz’s political alignments. Besides, Kurloz only saw Donald Trump as an ends to a means and felt no need to defend him. 

**SHIT BE HITTING THAT MOTHERFUCKING FAN AT LIGHT SPEED.**

Mituna took a big swig of mead. “Don’t I fucking know it. We got school shootings and flu epidemics and all types of crazy bullshit…at least the United States won a medal in snowboarding.” He pumped a fist. “Go Red Gerard. Otherwise, it’s just doom and gloom.”

Kurloz decided to dramatically change the direction.

**HOW IS YOUR GIRLFRIEND IN HER FANCY ELITE WASHINGTON D.C. COLLEGE?**

Mituna’s face lit up and Kurloz felt an ember of jealousy in his cold heart. 

“Tula? She’s doing rad, really tearing up Georgetown Law. She’s going to get an internship in the fall. Wish her luck.”

**I WILL MOTHERFUCKING PRAY ON IT, MY BROTHER.**

Kurloz was lying. He knew ((her people)) had an advantage when it came to the field of law. Soon they would not, though. He was not just wishing her downfall because he was jealous. He considered himself above jealousy. 

“She’s so smart and pretty. I don’t know what she’s doing with a brain-damaged idiot like me. Okay, she does have her own brain bad, but not as bad as me. Hey, want to see some pics of her?”

Kurloz nodded. Mituna got out his phone, did some scrolling, and handed the phone to Kurloz. On the phone was a picture of a woman with her hair dyed red and blue and her naked back to the camera. 

“Look at that tattoo of Peach and Zelda making out! Ain’t it sweet?”

Kurloz nodded though he thought he could do a much better job. He was tempted to show Mituna his work on Gamzee but that would be forbidden by human law. He handed the phone back to Mituna. 

**HAVE YOU REALLY BEEN TOGETHER ALL THIS TIME?**

“We had some time apart but our ship has only gotten stronger.”

**I WAS APART FROM MY KITTY BITCH TOO, BUT SHE CAME BACK TO ME.**

“Yeah, that happens, bro. I think Latula just wanted to fuck other people. Then we got back together and decided to keep it open like Linux, you know? Hey, did you hear she banged Porrim? Hot, right?”

Kurloz’s heart soared, but not because of the Porrim shit. He did not care much for her.

**I AM IN AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP WITH MY KITTY BITCH.**

“Oh, you let her cuck you?”

That sentence chilled Kurloz.

“It’s just a joke. I let Tula cuck me with other dudes. Like, you aren’t one of those fucking awful hypocrite dudes that only want their chicks banging chicks and not ninjas because lez-on-lez is hot but ninjas could have bigger dicks?” 

Kurloz was one of those hypocrites. Though it obviously wasn’t because he was insecure about his dick size. Yet the idea of Meulin being under man’s power made him itch inside. He was not going to proclaim himself a hypocrite to Mituna. 

**HELL NO. MY KITTY BITCH CAN FUCK ANY NINJA SHE WANTS. NONE WILL BE AS BIG AS ME.**

Mituna laughed. “Yeah, I’ve seen that damn joystick. Fucker rivaled what was in the porn we used to watch together.”

**FUCK YEAH.**

Mituna wiped an eye. “That was so much fun in high school, using my high speed connection to look at cool and weird porn and jerking off together. Fucking shame we stopped. Why was that?”

The question was not answered at that moment. Kurloz thought he knew the answer but still after all these years he was afraid to say it. 

They talked on other things. Various dumb shit. After finishing the nachos, Kurloz got a Pabst Blue Ribbon and Mituna got a Pepsi.

“That’s the problem with the Midwest,” he said, “No fucking Coke.”

**PEPSI IS BETTER THAN COKE BUT FAYGO IS THE KING.**

“You are a true prairie-ass motherfucker.”

Kurloz and Mituna got their drinks and enjoyed them as their food was cleared away. 

“I am such a lightweight, damn brain meds screwing me up,” Mituna said.

**I TRY NOT TO DRINK MUCH THESE DAYS. I HAD MYSELF A MOTHERFUCKING BAD PERIOD WITH THE ALCOHOL INTOXICATION YEARS AGO.**

“You were an alcoholic? Did Alcoholics Anonymous?”

**I DID MY OWN PROGRAM.**

Mituna lifted his Pepsi. “Yeah, a fucker where you can still drink. But, sorry, what happened?”

Kurloz pointed to his tracheotomy. Mituna winced. Was Mituna disgusted but hiding it?

“Oh, shit, sorry, bro, I forgot about that.”

Kurloz wanted to confront Mituna further, but he knew if they got in an argument, there was a chance Mituna would storm out of the bar. The Church could still grab Mituna, but it would be difficult. Kurloz wanted to get inside Mituna’s hotel room. He wanted to get inside Mituna’s body.

**I FORGIVE YOU, BROTHER.**

“We really get along, don’t we? It’s just been half an hour but it feels like such a relief to be Off for once and not some big internet celebrity. Well, medium-sized internet celebrity.”

**I ALSO ENJOY YOUR COMPANY.**

Mituna looked solemn. “It’s been so many fucking years, bro. Not to sound like a chick, but what happened to us? What put a wedge between Loz and Tuna?”

It was time for the truth.

**WE DID NOT WANT TO BE FAGS.**

Kurloz wondered if Mituna was still cool with the word “fag”. Kurloz knew his Gamzee had always hated that three to six letter word. Mituna used it in high school like punctuation but he gave off an aura now and in his videos like those edgy 00s types gone woke. Those types were the worst. Yet Mituna only reacted with a sigh at this truth bomb.

“Yeah, we were afraid to be fags. But then I turned out to be one anyway.”

Kurloz’s heart soared. He knew the truth. He knew something that Mituna’s audience did not. He was wiser than them. Yet could he dare enlighten Mituna back? 

In his years at the Church, Kurloz had gotten used to the idea that despite what human society said, gender did not matter to attraction. Heterosexuality was a human invention and the worse one of that species. (However, it was a universal truth there were only two genders.) Kurloz had grown comfortable expressing his considerable attraction to men in the company of his brothers and sisters. Yet Mituna was not a member of the Church and could never be one for obvious reasons. Yet he was the reincarnation of someone from that vaulted civilization.

**I TOO AM ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE.**

Even after already voicing the word, he could not say it again. Mituna pointed at him and smiled wide. Kurloz winced and almost dropped his electrolarynx. 

“I knew it! Sorry, but I knew it! One of us, one of us! Anyway, what flavor are you?”

Kurloz internally bristled at having to use a human classification for his unbridled alien sexuality. 

**I AM KNOWN AS A BISEXUAL.**

“La de dah, you are bi. So am I. Well, actually I’m pansexual but nobody knows what that means plus the word bisexual is cooler.”

Kurloz sighed.

“It’s a fucking relief to say it, isn’t it? Get that bullshit out so you can be neurotic about different bullshit. But I haven’t told my fans yet. Some are woke but some are going to be like ‘stop pushing that gay shit at us, fag’ and unsubscribe.” Mituna sighed.

Kurloz put his hand on Mituna’s shoulder. It was the first physical contact they had had all night. Hopefully, not their last.

“Thanks, bro. I know I have at least one motherfucker who won’t unsubscribe.”

Kurloz had not subscribed to GameBro in the first place, nor was he a Patreon member. 

**I AM HERE FOR YOU, BRO.**

“You know…now that we’ve laid our sexuality cards on the table…and we’re both in open relationships…and actually in the same time zone…maybe we could…”

Kurloz’s dick twitched.

“…do some butt-fucking?”

Kurloz nodded calmly, hiding how excited he was about this prospect.

“So, are you a top or a bottom? I am vers so either way is fine.”

**YOU HAVE HAD SEX WITH A MAN BEFORE IN ORDER TO HAVE A MOTHERFUCKING PREFERENCE?**

“Sorry I didn’t wait for you.”

Kurloz could tell Mituna was being sarcastic.

**I AM STRICTLY TOP. I WILL NOT BOTTOM FOR YOU.**

There was only one man Kurloz ever bottomed for and he was not this lowblood.

“Sure, sure. It’s not a shame if you want to bottom, you are still a man. But yeah, we could make it work.”

Kurloz wished there was a little more hesitation on Mituna’s part. Did Mituna forget how big Kurloz was?

**I WILL TAKE CARE OF THE CHECK.**

Kurloz willed his big cock completely flaccid before going over to settle the tab in cash. Hopefully, nobody here would remember them. If they did, they would not survive to talk about it.

When Kurloz came back to the table, Mituna was on the phone. 

“I ordered us an Uber, if that’s okay,” Mituna said.

It was not okay with Kurloz. He took the phone out of Mituna’s hands and stared at it. This bad-beard-and-bald Zareef in the red Ford Focus was going to die likely.

“Yeah, I know, Uber has all these labor problems and shit, but they’re cheap and easy. Like me.”

Kurloz gave Mituna back his phone.

**I DO NOT CARE ABOUT THAT.**

Mituna shrugged. 

Mituna and Kurloz got their coats from the stand by the door and bundled up. The red Ford Focus came not too long after. Mituna and Kurloz got in the back. The car drove them to Mituna’s airport hotel. They got out and went past the desk clerk up to his room. Though out the trip, Kurloz kept thinking “does this look gay? too gay? two men traveling this way?” He thought he had put away that neurotic attitude years ago but here it was back again. He could not sense Mituna feeling the same way, even though Mituna’s worshipers were homophobic and Kurloz’s were enlightened. Kurloz was the reincarnation of a man who took lovers by the thousands of both binary genders and he was sweating this? Infuriating. 

“Yeah, so this carcino-genetist is so weird. Ah, here we go!” Mituna said when he got to Door 314. 

He used his key card to open the door. The two entered the typical airport hotel room with one king-sized bed. The room was better than the sleazy highway motel the Demoness had seduced Kurloz in. Yet as an airport hotel, it was a step down from whatever resort guests planned to go to before midwest weather interfered. Mituna gestured towards the bed. 

“This is mine, until I wake up tomorrow at three thirty AM. So, did you want to -”

Kurloz then grabbed Mituna and kissed him, though the height difference made it difficult. Mituna pushed back and pulled a face. Kurloz did not have his electrolarynx in hand to ask a question but Mituna answered it anyway.

“No, it’s cool you kissed me, just didn’t expect it and it…tastes weird.”

Kurloz took his hands off of Mituna. That wasn’t what he wanted to hear, but it was not putting me him off. Maybe Mituna would prefer the taste of his cock to his mouth. 

Kurloz took off his coat and threw it on the ground. Mituna took off his bumblebee coat and it went to the same place. 

“Do you have rubbers?” Mituna asked, “We better not have to go out again.”

Kurloz took out some monster condoms for his Magnum dong.

“Oh, sweet! Wait, you really brought condoms? Expecting something?” Mituna wriggled a pierced eyebrow.

Kurloz decided not to answer that. Instead, he took out his electrolarynx for another question.

**DO YOU HAVE SOME MOTHERFUCKING PERSONAL LUBRICATION?**

“Sure, never go anywhere without it.”

Kurloz thought Mituna was being sarcastic but he indeed had an airplane-sized bottle of personal lubrication in his bag. 

**GOOD. YOU WILL NEED IT.**

The two continued undressing. It seemed to take forever for Kurloz. They did not look at each other as they did it, or at least Kurloz did not. Then, they were naked and looking at each other. Kurloz looked at Mituna looking at his endowment and though Mituna did not look bored there just wasn’t that shock that Kurloz lived for. What other men had Mituna gotten down with for him to be this jaded? Mituna had not even commented on Kurloz’s Jacob’s ladder. 

After noting Mituna’s eyes, Kurloz looked Mituna over. Though Mituna had quit skateboarding, he still had a lean skateboarder body. There were a few video game logo tattoos here and there, none done with as much talent as Kurloz could have done. Kurloz was pleased to see both of them had pierced nipples. Kurloz had not seen Mituna’s naked body since high school and back in those days he was afraid to look too long. Now he could just eat up the view. 

“You going to start something, bro?” Mituna asked. 

Kurloz responded by picking up Mituna and throwing him on the bed. After that, Kurloz threw himself on top of Mituna. He kissed that jawline and made his way down. He could just devour this man. Perhaps he might literally get to do it later. 

“Holy shit, bro,” Mituna said with a gasp as Kurloz tongued his nipple ring, “you’re really fucking eager.”

Kurloz did not respond. He was taking full advantage of this opportunity. Now he knew what Mituna’s sweat tasted like. Mituna’s hair was naturally light and he manscaped his bush. Kurloz was used to Gamzee’s untamed hairiness and this was an interesting change. Kurloz pumped Mituna’s dick, circumcised and much smaller than Kurloz’s but still beautiful. He watched the scar expand as Mituna’s dick twitched and grew. Kurloz swallowed Mituna’s dick easily. He tasted that strange, salty precum. 

“Wow, you can still suck dick with a hole in your throat? Ah! Sorry.”

There was a time when Kurloz was self-conscious about how much he loved sucking dick. He used to go to gloryholes so he could do it without anyone watching him. Now he knew it was more powerful to look your subject directly in the eye.

He moved down and flipped Mituna’s legs up so he could chow down on that gamer ass. He wasn’t too proud to do that anymore. Mituna stroked himself and made odd excited noises. 

Kurloz was finding it hard to hold back. He wanted to be inside Mituna so bad. Getting off the bed, he retrieved the condoms and lube. He opened the packet and carefully rolled the condom over his long cock.

“So you can wear a condom with piercings. Maybe I should stick some needles in my dick too.”

Okay, so now Mituna was noticing Kurloz’s new jewelry. That was a point for him. 

Kurloz drizzled lube onto his wrapped cock. Mituna still was not reacting as much as Kurloz would wish he would. Kurloz wanted to do some dirty talk but his electrolarynx was across the room. He craved feedback. 

So Kurloz was silent when he pushed Mituna back again and entered him. Mituna’s body let him in. This is what Kurloz had waited for. 

“Holy fuck, this is so good. We should have done this years ago.”

Kurloz nodded, overjoyed that Mituna agreed with him. He gave measured thrusts while stroking Mituna’s hard dick. Mituna responded to his rhythm, moving against him. 

“But you’ve gotten a lot of practice, haven’t you, bro? Probably would be a shitty fuck at sixteen.”

That was harsh, though he knew Meulin had admitted she did not enjoy having sex with him in high school. Less diplomatically, the Witch said Kurloz’s big meat was wasted on him. If only she could see him now, driving this twink crazy. Kurloz may not be a rapper but he had the beats and could make such noise.

Kurloz knew he was powerful. He was powerful in his past life, he was descended from power in this life, he was on his way to power in this one, and his little tattoo shop did good business. Yet it was times like these he felt the most powerful. It was fitting when he was Grand Highblood he wore his symbol on his codpiece. 

Though he normally also had wicked stamina, he was feeling close rather quickly. Kurloz clutched the bed sheets and closed his eyes.

“Gonna nut?” Mituna asked, “You must be pretty pent up.”

Kurloz wanted to tell that lisping douchebag he had sex just earlier that day. However, that sex was with his adoptive son so it would be best not to say it even if he could. Maybe later he could fuck Gamzee in front of Mituna just to show him up. Yet Mituna’s voice was also so sweet. Those noises he made.

Finally, Kurloz got Mituna to come. Kurloz could now release himself. He wished he could breed Mituna. Fill him with that genetic material. Mituna might be distracted enough he could go stealth. Yet it was not the right time. Later, all Kurloz’s brothers would unload in Kurloz’s ex-brother. 

Kurloz quickened his pace for a few long strokes and then came into the condom. He could not moan but his neck did vibrate. Such a sweet release. He rolled off of Mituna and pulled his condom off. He wished he could keep it.

“That was pretty sweet,” Mituna said.

Then Mituna rolled off the bed and went to the bathroom. Kurloz felt off-balance by this underreaction. Gamzee and Meulin and his other many lovers in the Church were so worshipful in their afterglow. Even when he had sex with the Witch, her animousity towards him was passionate. This was an insult. Did Mituna know who he was? Of course Mituna did not. Soon, he would. 

Kurloz got off the bed and went to get his electrolarynx and his cell phone. He texted an encrypted message to his team telling them where their target was. Kurloz wondered if he should dispatch Mituna now. He decided to bide his time. 

Mituna came back from the bathroom. He turned on the TV and crashed on the bed. 

“It doesn’t seem worth it to go to sleep when I have to wake up so soon. Hey, do you need to get home?”

**I AM RIGHT WHERE I NEED TO BE.**

“Good, I could use the company, bro.”

He flipped through the limited channels on the TV several times, never staying with one long. 

“People are always asking me how I can play video games if I have epilepsy…” Mituna started saying as he came upon a flashy channel, “…but lights aren’t a trigger for me. Funny thing is, me and my doctors haven’t been able to nail down what my trigger is. Makes it hard for me to safely do anything. Really sucks.”

Kurloz nodded and rolled onto his stomach.

“You know how you asked me what I see during my auras? I see these gray fuckers with candy corn horns. It’s silly but I feel like I can’t tell people about it. Like it’s secret information. Maybe that just ties in with the manic delusions I had Freshman year of high school that aliens were going to take over, remember that? Man, I have so much brain weird.”

Kurloz casually rolled onto his back. It did not seem Mituna noticed the extensive tattoos of grey aliens. Kurloz too had once thought his visions were brain weird. He had drawn them down though and when he was enlightened, he had them drawn on his back. It was a good thing he hadn’t tattooed his back before the Church got to him. 

**MOTHERFUCKING BRAINS, HOW DO THEY WORK?**

Mituna snorted. “You’re asking me.”

They watched TV for some time quietly. Kurloz pondered the sexual encounter. In one sense, it had gone very very well. He finally got to consummate his teenage attraction to Mituna, who looked better than ever apart from some scarring. On the other hand, he could not help sensing some disdain from Mituna, as if Mituna considered himself better and more successful than small town Kurloz. Mituna lived in Oakland, California with its delicious sushi and its coastal weather while Kurloz lived in Midwest with canned tuna and freezing winters. This was flyover country to him. Mituna went to Caltech and even though he bitched out after Freshman year he still got through acceptance. Mituna had a successful YouTube channel and merchandise and could pay the bills that way and he had fans across the globe. Kurloz might have his own business but it was only known in Midland. Mituna might have brainweird but he didn’t have a huge gaping hole in his neck for children to stare and point at. Mituna had not said this but Kurloz knew he was thinking it. It burned inside of Kurloz. 

Yet Kurloz knew and Mituna did not that Kurloz was superior to Mituna in a past life. Mituna had a few visions but not a full as Kurloz’s. If Mituna did have complete visions, he would be begging for Kurloz’s forgiveness. Mituna’s past heresy could be forgiven, but not his slowness in saving the empire before it was too late. This was not Kurloz’s friend. This was the enemy.

These raging thoughts inflamed a different part of him than his heart.

Mituna asked, “You ready to go again? Nearing thirty hasn’t slowed you down, bro.”

Kurloz looked at his half-erection. He could have said Mituna was nearing the same age. Instead he crushed Mituna in a kiss. 

After the kiss, Mituna said, “Yeah, bro, I’m ready to go again too.”

Kurloz leapt off the bed and got another condom. He went back to the bed and shoved Mituna’s head on to his growing crotch.

“Okay, okay, I’ll give you head.”

Mituna gave Kurloz some half-hearted head. Still, Kurloz grew hard. He was tempted to face-fuck Mituna but he had other plans. 

“Tastes like fucking latex, bleh,” Mituna said when Kurloz was hard enough. 

Kurloz positioned Mituna on his hands and knees. Mituna was wriggly but ultimately compliant.

“Man, are you in a hurry for sloppy seconds! But I can deal with it.”

Kurloz put on a condom and added some lube. He placed himself behind Mituna and took one long gentle stroke. It felt as good as it did the first time, but then he had an evil idea. He took the condom off discreetly before entering again. 

“What’s going on back there, you - oh shit, that’s good!” Mituna yelled.

It felt better going in raw. No more sheathing his weapon in heavy plastic. He was going to go in deep and hard and fill this fucking hipster nerd with white genetic material. He would show who was superior. Mituna with his tiny little dick thought he was a vers but he couldn’t top anyone like Kurloz did. 

“Oww! Fuck! Stop it, go slower!” Mituna yelled.

Kurloz ignored those lispy pathetic California cries. Fucking San Francisco pansy. 

“No! No! Get out of me! This is over! Why isn’t it stopping?!”

Kurloz gagged Mituna’s mouth with his hand to shut him up. No need for him to wake up the hotel. Mituna screamed and licked Kurloz’s hand but Kurloz did not remove it. 

Mituna tried struggling in other ways. Flailing helplessly to get Kurloz off him but Kurloz was much bigger and stronger than him and he was the one getting off here. He grabbed Mituna’s arms and twisted them behind him and shoved his face into the bed. 

Soon, Kurloz bred his ex-friend’s sore hole. Only then did he let him go. Mituna collapsed onto his side. Tears were running down his face.

“I said stop! Why didn’t you stop?!” Mituna yelled, “And did you come in my asshole? What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Kurloz grabbed his electrolarynx.

**I DO NOT CARE.**

“You should care! We’re supposed to be friends!”

**YET YOU WERE NOT THERE WHEN I HAD CANCER.**

“Yeah and you weren’t there when I got epilepsy!”

**I HAD MY THROAT AND HALF MY MOUTH RIPPED OUT.**

“And that’s your fault for smoking, you dumbass! I didn’t do anything to get epilepsy and it meant I had to drop out of Caltech and I worked so fucking hard to get into that fucking yuppie factory while you were just chilling in a tattoo parlor!”

**I WAS GOING TO BE A RAPPER.**

“You were a shitty rapper! You had that awful squeaky voice and those dumb lyrics that were just ICP run through a thesaurus and I hate your cultural appropriation hair!”

**YOU REVIEW GAMES NOBODY CARES ABOUT FROM AN ANCIENT DECADE.**

“Yet I’m the one entertaining fuckers while your career never started!”

**I HAVE A TATTOO PARLOR.**

“Who the fuck cares? I’m world-famous, bitch!”

Everything Kurloz thought Mituna was thinking was true. Kurloz couldn’t wait for his clowns to get to Mituna. He got off the bed and went for his pockets.

“And your tattoos are ugly little…is that aliens? That’s…”

Kurloz turned around to look at Mituna. His eyes were glazed. Then, as if his muscles were replaced with jelly, he collapsed on the bed. Kurloz put his hand in front of Mituna’s face. No eye movement, but there was breathing. This must be an epileptic seizure. Kurloz had expected muscle twitching but apparently Mituna’s epilepsy was different. He had planned on slipping Mituna a roofie but the God of Double Death had roofied Mituna for him. Kurloz wondered what visions Mituna was having now. 

So with this turn, Kurloz’s rage was turned to emptiness. Was this really how his friendship with Mituna was going to end? Well, Kurloz had plenty of other friends, and they would come soon to take care of this fake friend. 

* * *

  
Mituna felt things go back into focus, but not enough. He really shouldn’t have had that mead, even if it was a special occasion. Or maybe it was the fight that brought it on? Or hell, maybe the tattoo? He wished he could pin down these things. He went to move his limbs but they seem paralyzed. Above him, he thought he saw two clowns. They were wearing monochromatic makeup but were dressed in bluish-purple. Was this another aura? 

“Kurloz, bro, I’m sorry, but I need my medication so I can stop seeing these fucking clowns, could you please…”

Mituna felt himself get winded. Did a clown kick him in the stomach?

“Don’t speak to Kurloz anymore,” the clown on the left said, “We’re taking you away.”

Taking him away? What the fuck?

The clown on the right bent down and put a cloth gag in his mouth. It was only then Mituna realized he wasn’t paralyzed but tied up. Then, he saw Kurloz approach him, wearing that stupid clown makeup. Mituna wanted to scream at him but couldn’t. Kurloz flipped him a double bird. 

Then Mituna was blindfolded and it was a long time before he saw Kurloz again.

* * *

Mituna did not know how long it had been but he knew it was the end. These clowns had raped him and beaten him and mutilated him and even tattooed him. It had been Hell on Earth. He was barely conscious when they hung him up in that grey concrete room. Yet while he was there, he saw a familiar face through the glass pane of the control room. He’d only sensed hints of Kurloz but now his ex-friend was standing there by the switches, fully dressed in his juggalo best. When the clowns left him and the door was shut, he used his last breath in his body to speak. He looked directly at Kurloz’s blue-green eyes. 

“Please, please, you don’t have to do this to me.”

Kurloz flipped Mituna a double bird.

“Fuck? Then I’ll see you in Hell, bro.” 


End file.
